Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
