Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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