My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
honey bunches of taint.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
tell me about the eggs
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
