your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
