It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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