porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
My cat gives me a boner
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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