fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
