I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
