Do you still have your period?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
