I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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