Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
