When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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