My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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