I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
