that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
