When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
