Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
