He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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