I've blown a few things in my day
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
