you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
