loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
