Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
we're making bets on your personal life
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
