just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
