did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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