if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
