now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
