Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
no. you can't hotbox the world.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
