He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
