First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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