i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
