i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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