Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
