I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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