wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
