If i come over, it means nothing
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
