for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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