Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
