I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
