The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
