Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize