I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
