Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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