dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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