He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
