dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
