he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
