That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
