Quick, to the slutcave!
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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