I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize