I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
