The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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