Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
