the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
