I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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