If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
