There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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