he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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