Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
