Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
