Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Did I show you my penis last night?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
