So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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