I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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