My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
