I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize