i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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