Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
