I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
