I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Randomize
