Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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