put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
