if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
