Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
