Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
