mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
