His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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