There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
My vagina just recognized that song.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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