I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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