Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
