So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
