Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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