I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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