Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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