There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
