Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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