I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
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